


When I Fall

by kulina



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 02:42:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14415942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kulina/pseuds/kulina
Summary: Awsten had just gotten back from a bad day at Starbucks. He had no idea what would be waiting for him when he walked onto his apartment's balcony.





	When I Fall

A long day was the easiest way to describe it. Awsten had started at the coffee shop at five, which meant that his alarm went off at four fifteen. AM.

Yes, the Starbucks was a bit small and out of the way, which meant that for the most part, the customers were familiar and patient. Still, that didn’t excuse Awsten dumping half a pot of piping hot coffee all over the floor… and himself. Ouch. A couple hours later, he realized he’d left his lunch sitting on the counter in his apartment. He’d grumbled to himself and eaten one of the turkey sandwiches he found in the back room only to realize that those were the ones Chloe had set aside to be thrown out. He had a stomachache for an hour. 

The whole way home, he’d been starving and still a bit nauseous. He was ready to grab some orange juice and some crackers, take a seat on the balcony, and enjoy the trees and the little creek that ran right by the apartment building. Sometimes deer came up from the woods, even onto the patio right outside the first floor. It was a big slab of concrete with a few picnic tables on one side, but the deer had learned that most of the people were friendly enough to toss a bite or two of their meal over to the animals. The deer also liked to sniff the trashcans when they could. Awsten loved when they stuck their noses in and came out with something in their mouths. Even though he was sure deer shouldn’t be eating people food, it felt nice to know that they were getting something that smelled delicious.

Awsten unscrewed the top to his juice and headed out the sliding door the patio, pack of crackers in hand. He took two steps forward and about spilled his drink. “Whoa!”

On the next balcony stood a man in jeans and a blue t-shirt. He didn’t even have shoes on. But that wasn’t what Awsten was reacting to; it was the fact that the man was standing on the fucking railing, looking like he was about to step right off the edge. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, 705,” Awsten babbled, his mouth moving before his brain could catch up. He just called the guy his fucking room number. “What the hell do you think you’re doing up there?” 

The man slowly looked over at Awsten. His expression was blank as fuck, but somehow Awsten’s stomach dropped even further. He’d know those eyes anywhere.

“Oh, shit,” Awsten murmured. “You – you get the iced caramel latte. Extra whipped cream.” 

The man blinked. Those goddamn eyes… 

When it became clear that the guy from apartment 705 wasn’t going to speak, Awsten asked again, “What are you doing up there?”

The man turned away from Awsten and looked distractedly down at the ground.

_“No.”_  Awsten’s tone was sharper than he meant it to be, but after the word came out, it seemed fitting. This wasn’t exactly a casual situation. “No, don't do that. Don't fucking do that, okay?"

Silence.

"Hey, come down here. Can we talk for a minute? I’m Awsten.” 

The guy didn’t move but glanced wearily back at Awsten for a moment. “Geoff.”

“Geoff,” Awsten repeated warmly, glad to be able to put a name to the person literally on the ledge. “Geoff, it’s so nice to meet you.”

“We’ve met before."

“Oh yeah, Starbucks.”

“No.”

Awsten’s eyebrows creased.

“My mail was in your box once," Geoff muttered. "You brought it by to make sure I got it. Said you didn’t know whether or not I had a creepy roommate that would open it if you slid it under the door.”

The memory came back, hitting Awsten like a freight train. Yeah, it had been several months, but what kind of an idiot was he to forget about that? 'Geoff Wigington' had been printed on the small stack of envelopes. He had been all seriousness then, too, with his quiet voice and shaky hands. Awsten remembered thinking that the lighting in the apartment had been unusually low, but he’d dismissed it, assuming the guy had been watching a movie or taking a nap or something. Things seemed different now. Maybe Awsten should have said something.

“Yeah,” Awsten nodded. “Yeah, I remember. You don’t have a roommate, right? It’s just you?” 

Geoff nodded, too. “It’s just me.” The words were almost a whisper.

“Well, you can come over here if you want,” Awsten offered. “I’ve got…” He held up his snack. “Crackers.” It sounded stupid, but anything probably would have sounded stupid. He tried to think. “And a frozen pizza, and, uh. I’ve got leftovers. I don’t have a creepy roommate either.” 

Geoff shook his head, looking embarrassed and – if it was possible – even more upset than he had a moment before. “No, it’s okay, I… I’m sorry. I didn’t want anyone to-” 

“No, no,” Awsten rushed out. “I understand. It’s fine. You’re alright, don’t worry.”

Geoff bit his lip and looked down at the concrete several stories below.

“Do you want some juice?” Awsten pressed.

Geoff huffed out a sad laugh. “No, dude. Can you just… just go back in your apartment, okay?”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

Geoff looked at Awsten again, almost confusedly this time. “Just go inside. I’ll be fine.” 

Awsten shook his head firmly. “No. You’re not fine, and I’m not leaving.” 

“Please go.” 

“No.”

Geoff started to get angry. “Go! I’m fine, just leave me alone!”

“I already told you,” Awsten said calmly, “I’m not leaving.” 

“Why?” he demanded.

“Because! You’re standing on the railing on the seventh fucking floor, and I’m not gonna let you jump off of it. I’m sorry, I’m just not.” 

“I’m not gonna jump off of it,” Geoff lied. 

Awsten scoffed. “Yeah right. Why else are you up there? Trying to catch a firefly? Unscrewing a lightbulb?” 

Geoff sighed softly. 

Awsten walked a few steps toward the other balcony, eyeing the not-so-big gap between them, but Geoff flinched and ordered, “Don’t.” 

Awsten’s automatic response was to calmly hold his hands up. “Okay,” he whispered. “Okay… Staying right here.”

Geoff nodded anxiously.

“Right here,” Awsten repeated.

Geoff seemed a little calmer, but he kept nodding. 

“So,” Awsten began cautiously, “what, um. What _are_ you doing up there?”

A dry laugh escaped Geoff’s lips. 

“Just – we’ve already established your intentions. And if I’m gonna stand here and talk to you – which I’m going to do – I might as well know what the hell’s going on with you. Cause it must be pretty bad for you to be doing this.” 

Geoff’s lips twisted, and Awsten could have sworn he felt that expression tug at his soul.

“Nothing’s even wrong,” Geoff whispered. His voice was so quiet that Awsten almost didn’t catch it. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I,” Geoff started, and then he cut himself off with a heavy sigh. “I don’t even know why I’m up here. It’s just the only thing…” Geoff fell silent. 

A chilly breeze blew. The birds chirped. Awsten could hear the sound of the creek down below. 

“The only thing…” Awsten echoed nervously, prompting him to finish the sentence. 

“The only thing that makes any sense.” 

And then Geoff fucking wobbled on the railing.

Awsten’s stomach turned over, and he couldn’t help rush forward even though Geoff had told him not to. 

Geoff regained his balance, and Awsten resumed frantically calculating how much distance there was between the two balconies. Could he safely get from one to the other? He heard a sniff and looked up at Geoff, who had a hand over his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said to no one in particular, his voice trembling. 

Awsten had never been so fucking scared in his life. “Come down from there, okay? Please. Come on.”

Geoff shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Please, Geoff, please.”

“No, I… I have to do this.”

“You don’t. I swear to fucking god, you don’t have to.”

“You don’t even know me!” Geoff exploded. “Why are you still out here?”

Half of his body was turned toward Awsten, and Awsten was torn between trying to covertly dial 911 and attempting to physically wrangle his neighbor off the balcony. It was at least 75 feet from the railing to the ground, and even though Awsten had never really thought about it before, he was pretty sure that sort of a fall would kill anyone. That made the answer to Geoff’s question simple.

“Because I care about you.” 

Geoff scoffed.

“You’re right; I don’t know you. I brought you your mail once, and I remember your fucking coffee order, but no, I don’t know you.” Awsten swallowed. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you!”

Geoff shifted from foot to foot, and Awsten held his breath for a few seconds, watching. Wondering. Worrying. When he stilled, Awsten told him, “If you came home and found  _me_ standing on  _my_ railing, you’d fucking care, too.” 

Geoff swallowed. “I don’t have a choice,” he whispered.

“You always have a choice,” Awsten countered.

Geoff shook his head, and even from the side, Awsten could see Geoff’s eyes welling up with tears. That made Awsten’s mind up. This guy really intended to jump, and Awsten wasn’t going to let that happen without doing everything he could possibly do. 

Awsten took a careful step onto his patio chair and onto the railing. Don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t look down…  

“No, don’t do that!” Geoff protested, but he didn’t look angry this time; he looked scared to death. “You’re going to fall!” 

And then before he knew it, Awsten was grabbing onto Geoff’s side railing and clumsily pulling himself over the edge. Talk about a fucking adrenaline rush. Whoa.

Geoff stared worriedly over his shoulder at Awsten, and Awsten was more worried than ever that Geoff was going to lose his balance. He held a hand up to pull Geoff safely down. “Come on, man. Come on.”

“I can’t!” Geoff insisted. 

“You can, I know you can.” 

“I don’t want to die. But I have to.”

“You don’t have to,” Awsten pleaded. “Listen to me. You do not have to jump. Do you understand? I am right here, and I am begging you, Geoff – do. not. do this.” 

Geoff raised his hand to his eyes again, unable to keep the tears from spilling. “You don’t understand.”

“You’re right,” Awsten agreed. “You’re absolutely right; I don’t understand. But I know one thing – your life is worth more than this. I want to see you in the fucking Starbucks again getting extra whipped cream for your latte, okay? I swear to god, I will steal all the mail out of your mailbox just so I can bring it to you and make sure you’re okay.”

Geoff shook his head. “I can’t,” he whispered.

“Then let me,” Awsten pleaded. “Come on. Let me get you down from there. Okay? I will listen as long as you need me to. I’ll fucking talk as long as you need me to. I’ll – I’ll do anything.” 

Geoff sniffed loudly, and a quiet sob forced its way out of him. 

“Listen, if you’re gonna do this, let me at least help you make an informed decision, alright? If we talk it out and you still want to do it, I won’t stop you. Swear to fucking god.” 

It was one of the biggest lies Awsten had ever told, but he was desperate. He was pretty sure God would forgive him for this one.

“Please. Geoff, please. Let me get you down.” 

“You won’t stop me if I don’t change my mind?”

Awsten nodded fervently. “I swear.”

Geoff bit his lip nervously.

Awsten stepped forward and held his hands up again. “Come on. Come on.”

Geoff reached down, and Awsten gripped Geoff’s arms as hard as he could. “I got you,” he whispered, grabbing Geoff into a tight hug and dragging him several feet away from the edge. “I got you. I got you.” 

Geoff was crying quietly, trying not to let himself lean into his neighbor, but now that Awsten was up close, it was nearly impossible not to. Meanwhile, all Awsten could think about was how hard Geoff was shaking. 

The pair stumbled in through the sliding door, and Awsten closed it and sat Geoff down on the couch. Then he stepped back to the door and firmly locked it.

“Let me get you something to drink, okay?” Awsten asked, still miraculously keeping up his calm façade. 

Geoff nodded, staring silently down at his lap. Awsten got two glasses of ice water from Geoff’s fridge and sat down a few feet away from his neighbor. He passed a glass to Geoff, whose hands were trembling so hard that the ice rattled against the glass.

“It’s alright,” Awsten dismissed when Geoff tried to apologize again.

“You didn’t have to do any of that,” Geoff muttered. 

Awsten nodded. “I know.” 

"You could have just left me there. Let me..."

A quiet fell between them, just the sound of Geoff’s ice clinking loudly against his glass. Awsten watched the liquid sloshing around inside for a moment, worried that Geoff was going to drop the glass and get even more upset, so he reached forward and gently removed the cup from his grip. He set it on the coffee table instead. 

“So… tell me what you’re thinking,” Awsten said softly.

Geoff exhaled defeatedly. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Anywhere.” 

Geoff nodded and swallowed. He leaned forward and bowed his head, dropping his forehead into his hands. “I moved here from California. I thought… I thought I’d be happier here, that my problems would stop.”

Awsten nodded. He’d done something really similar, but New York wasn’t kind to anyone. 

“I like the weather, you know?” Geoff continued, his voice barely above a whisper. “The seasons. How cold it gets in the winter. The way the city does Christmas. I like Times Square. But… everyone here is so closed off. I’ve been alone since the day I moved here. Even at work, everyone keeps to themselves. I hardly know anybody’s name, and we never talk. But that’s… I mean, that’s fine. I can Skype my family and stuff from back home. And there’s always the internet.” 

“’s not the same,” Awsten murmured.

“Yeah.” Geoff sighed. “But… I mean, I like my job. And I like my apartment.” He almost smiled. “I like when I hear you watching SpongeBob, and I like when you sing in the shower.”

Awsten snorted a laugh. “Sorry.”

“No, I… I really do like it. I like my car, and I have music I like and Starbucks and… I should be happy.”

“Geoff,” Awsten said sadly. 

“No, I – I should be. That’s why I was up there. I should be happy, but all I hear in my head is how terrible I am and how much more I should be doing, but I’m so tired, you know? I’m so tired, and…” He trailed off, looking more distraught than ever.

“And what?”

“It’s stupid,” Geoff muttered dismissively, “it’s really stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Awsten disagreed. 

Geoff’s eyes squeezed shut, and tears started flowing for real then. “I miss my fucking cat.” 

Awsten's heart twinged painfully. He knew that feeling. He knew being lonely and wishing desperately for Jet, that silent, sweet companion he had loved so much when he was younger. 

Geoff sniffed loudly and let a few quiet sobs out. Awsten wrapped his arm around Geoff’s back and asked, “Do you want to tell me about him?”

Geoff nodded. “Yeah, um,” he said weakly, “his name is Oliver, and he’s gray. He always looks pissed off, but I love it. I swear to god, I’ve never loved anything or anyone more than him. He’s… he’s just always there for me, you know? But when I moved, I didn’t know if I was gonna be staying or where I was gonna wind up living or anything, so I left him at home with my sister, and…” He shrugged hopelessly.

“He sounds awesome,” Awsten supplied. 

Geoff sniffed again. “He is.”

The pair fell quiet. Geoff looked over at the balcony, and Awsten immediately tightened his hold on Geoff’s arm. “No. No, no, no.”

Geoff nodded and leaned into Awsten’s shoulder. “’m sorry.”

“I got you,” Awsten assured. “It’s okay.”

There was a long silence. Awsten listened to the gentle hum of the air conditioner and contemplated how the hell this afternoon was going to end. Was he going to feel okay just going back to his apartment? (Hell no.) Was he going to drive his new friend to the emergency room? (Probably.) 

He still needed to eat and shower and sleep, but his neighbor, of course, took precedence.

“Thank you for getting me down from there,” Geoff finally whispered. His eyes were still trained on the carpet, but Awsten could feel the sincerity of the sentiment.

“Of course.”

“I… I think I was really going to do it,” Geoff admitted. 

“I was never going to let you.” 

“I know, but if you hadn’t been there…”

“Don’t think about that.” 

“But if you hadn’t-” 

“But I was,” Awsten interrupted firmly. “I was. And that’s all that matters.” 

Geoff nodded again, sniffed weakly, and wiped the back of his hand across his nose. “So, um.” He tapped his fingers absently on his knee. “What do we do now?” 

“I think we need to go to the hospital,” Awsten said quietly.

Geoff nodded, a couple more tears spilling out of his eyes. “Okay,” he whispered.

Awsten had been expecting him to protest, but this was a much better reaction. He stood up and helped Geoff to his feet even though it wasn’t really necessary. 

“I need, um,” Geoff muttered. “I need my wallet.” 

“Okay.” Awsten waited while Geoff went into the kitchen and retrieved it. He also grabbed a pair of shoes, a light jacket, and his car keys.

“Oh – let me drive you,” Awsten offered. 

“No, I can-”

“Please.”

Geoff looked toward Awsten but was still unable to meet his eyes.

“I just want to make sure you really get there.”

“...okay.” 

The drive to New York Presbyterian Hospital was brief and quiet. The radio came on in the car when Awsten turned the engine over, but he shut it off almost immediately. It didn’t feel right.

Awsten talked a little bit to fill the silence, but Geoff stayed quiet. He fiddled with the cuff of his jacket and looked out the window.

Awsten parked in the nearest parking deck and walked Geoff to the emergency room with an arm protectively around his shoulders. They headed to the front desk and waited patiently behind a woman carrying a sleeping child. When it was their turn, they stepped up to the desk. Awsten turned to look at Geoff. 

“I’m,” he murmured. “I, um.” He looked at the white tile floor, and Awsten jumped in.

“He’s suicidal,” he calmly explained.

“Alright, sweetheart, come through here,” the nurse said, standing up from her chair and motioning Geoff back through the door.

Geoff cast a nervous glance at Awsten, who reached down and squeezed his hand. “You got this. I’ll be here for you when you get out, okay? You know where to find me.”

Geoff nodded sadly.

Awsten couldn’t help it; he reached out and tugged Geoff into a fierce hug. “I’m rooting for you,” he said softly into Geoff’s ear.

Geoff’s arms circled lightly around Awsten’s back and then regretfully pulled away. “Thank you again,” he whispered.

Awsten nodded and watched Geoff walk through the door the nurse was holding open. The broken expression on Geoff's face when he looked back over his shoulder about killed Awsten. As hard as he tried, he couldn't get that image out of his head.

 

* * *

 

 

Five days later, the welcome bell clanged loudly against the glass door for the millionth time that day. Awsten glanced up to greet Starbucks’ newest customer, but before he could say a word, his mouth split into a wide grin. He ducked around the counter and ran to give his neighbor – his friend – a huge hug. A few minutes later, Geoff had an iced caramel latte (with extra whipped cream) and the promise of a hangout session to go with it.


End file.
